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From the Reluctant Bride to the Reluctant Mrs…

June 10, 2010

I’ve been staring at the same static facebook page for the past twent minutes. No… I’m not creeping on an old crush or new acquaintance, nor am I navigating the (pain in my a&&) privacy setting. The facebook page that has me glued to it, for what seems like an eternity, is my account settings page. The lovely people at  facebook are now offering me a personal quicklink that would read Now, how wonderful is that? But here’s the catch, because I’m not really an ‘early adopter’ I’ve sadly missed out on the wonderful opportunity of having a quick link with “myfullname” (i guess there are other females in the world with my name… the daymn impostors). So on a whim, I type out my full name with my husband’s last name and click on ‘check availability’. A window pops open that says myfullname+hislastname is available. Remember, you can change your username only once. Are you sure you want to set myfullname+hislastname as your username?Wow, only once huh? That’s pressure. Even the nikahnama gives you the option of change (well, actually it give the husband the option of allowing the wife the right to divorce, but whatever).

A long long time ago, in the dark ages before feminism women had to fight for a lot of things including the right to keep their maiden names. As a result of those struggles, women today (like myself) have a choice. And even though on most days I am truely grateful for all of it… At this point I can’t help but see this as one more daymn decision that I have to make.  As you may have guessed by now, I haven’t yet changed my name post-marriage. I say ‘yet’ because even though I’ve been married for a year, I’m still kind of deciding on the whole name thing. I must say that do think it would be nice to share a name with my husband and my children-to-be. I can see the practical as well as the romantic aspects of being a part of the new generation “hislastname family”. Awwwwwww.

Right… but thats the problem see, I’m not a part of “hislastname family”. I am MY last name. Its who I’ve been for twenty-seven years, how do I switch to being someone else, with just the flick of a pen (or a click on the keyboard)? When a person changes their first name, its usually because they don’t like it, or they associate negative things/feelings with it. So why are things different with the last name? Now, you may think that first names are an entirely different case from last names, which are meant to change. However, as a question of identity I think it’s a subject worth thinking about. What are the reasons behind women changing their names these days? Is it tradition, practicality, romanticism? …. Or is it my favourite reason of all: Because its what everyone does, now stop asking stupid questions!?

So once again, the question is … should I add my husband’s last name to my maiden first and last name and by the powers vested in facebook be forever commited to it?

Have you/or will you be taking your husband’s last name? and more importantly why?


That evening we were sitting on the couch watching some mindless TV, and I told him about my facebook name dilema. He turned to me and said in all (mock) seriousness “Hmmmm. I don’t know baby, its a pretty big step…. I don’t think we’re there yet.”

This is why I married him… :)

4 Comments leave one →
  1. June 10, 2010 4:16 am

    No matter how much I love him … adopting his family name or even his name as my last name is just too much for me, personally. Some people change it because they think its customary … some people prefer it that way and still some who are ‘kindly’ asked to do it.

    In my humble opinion, why would a girl want to change her identity all of a sudden. The sudden change in life is enough to cater to .. let alone dealing with name changes. I love my surname … its my identity and I opted not to change it :) I’m a chauvinist female .. heheh.

    Looking forward to some replies with some logical reasons stated for name changes.

  2. June 11, 2010 12:17 pm

    DON’T DO IT!! I swore I never would… it took me a full 25 years to get used to my own (very odd) last name and finally embraced it, LOVED it, and created an identity with it… But after marriage and (really warped yet convincing) logic on his part, I stupidly succumbed to the name change and pushed my maiden name into a middle name. 3 years later, I STILL can’t get used to it. Even though its only a legal change and in social circles I’m still referred to by my maiden name, I can’t swallow it.. I’m changing it back in a few months but its going to be a pain to do so.. so I suggest if you’re unsure, just don’t do it. changing legal documents – drivers licenses, credit cards etc., is a pain. Besides, you’ll still get wedding invitation cards addressed to “Mr. & Mrs. HisLastname” so it can be romantic without being official.

  3. ChiChi Jr. permalink
    June 11, 2010 4:57 pm

    I am not changing my last name because of two reasons:

    1) I don’t like his last name (I know its silly but too bad).
    2) Who is going to go through the hassle of changing official documents (passport, license, etc. ) and credit cards. No Thanks, I’m happy with my last name.

  4. Inspirational Laddu permalink
    June 16, 2010 1:01 pm

    Asma: I completely agree with you about having to deal with so many changes and then having to change your identity as well. And I don’t get the husbands who “kindly” ask for the change … in this day and age …really?! (yay for chauvinist females ;))

    AG: thanks for stopping by. Thats what I’m scared of …I’m so “me” I don’t think I could get used to it. Its funny because the wedding invitations and letters are exactly what I thought about: those will always be address to us as Mr & Mrs. HisLastName. I kind of like “romantic without being official”.

    Chichi Jr: You finally commented ..yay!! hahah your reasons are so typical you! Imagine you as Mrs. S.H!

Your words inspire me... so comment away! :)

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