From the Reluctant Bride to the Reluctant Mrs…
I’ve been staring at the same static facebook page for the past twent minutes. No… I’m not creeping on an old crush or new acquaintance, nor am I navigating the (pain in my a&&) privacy setting. The facebook page that has me glued to it, for what seems like an eternity, is my account settings page. The lovely people at facebook are now offering me a personal quicklink that would read www.facebook.com/myname. Now, how wonderful is that? But here’s the catch, because I’m not really an ‘early adopter’ I’ve sadly missed out on the wonderful opportunity of having a quick link with “myfullname” (i guess there are other females in the world with my name… the daymn impostors). So on a whim, I type out my full name with my husband’s last name and click on ‘check availability’. A window pops open that says ‘myfullname+hislastname is available. Remember, you can change your username only once. Are you sure you want to set myfullname+hislastname as your username?‘ Wow, only once huh? That’s pressure. Even the nikahnama gives you the option of change (well, actually it give the husband the option of allowing the wife the right to divorce, but whatever).
A long long time ago, in the dark ages before feminism women had to fight for a lot of things including the right to keep their maiden names. As a result of those struggles, women today (like myself) have a choice. And even though on most days I am truely grateful for all of it… At this point I can’t help but see this as one more daymn decision that I have to make. As you may have guessed by now, I haven’t yet changed my name post-marriage. I say ‘yet’ because even though I’ve been married for a year, I’m still kind of deciding on the whole name thing. I must say that do think it would be nice to share a name with my husband and my children-to-be. I can see the practical as well as the romantic aspects of being a part of the new generation “hislastname family”. Awwwwwww.
Right… but thats the problem see, I’m not a part of “hislastname family”. I am MY last name. Its who I’ve been for twenty-seven years, how do I switch to being someone else, with just the flick of a pen (or a click on the keyboard)? When a person changes their first name, its usually because they don’t like it, or they associate negative things/feelings with it. So why are things different with the last name? Now, you may think that first names are an entirely different case from last names, which are meant to change. However, as a question of identity I think it’s a subject worth thinking about. What are the reasons behind women changing their names these days? Is it tradition, practicality, romanticism? …. Or is it my favourite reason of all: Because its what everyone does, now stop asking stupid questions!?
So once again, the question is … should I add my husband’s last name to my maiden first and last name and by the powers vested in facebook be forever commited to it?
Have you/or will you be taking your husband’s last name? and more importantly why?
That evening we were sitting on the couch watching some mindless TV, and I told him about my facebook name dilema. He turned to me and said in all (mock) seriousness “Hmmmm. I don’t know baby, its a pretty big step…. I don’t think we’re there yet.”
This is why I married him… :)